Factors That Influence Custody After a Separation or Divorce

Over the years several factors have been identified that can determine the type of custody, visitation, and relationship that children have with their parents after a separation or divorce.

Typically, the custodial parent after a separation or divorce is the child's mother, and the father becomes the non-custodial parent with a custody and visitation arrangement to be worked out.

Decisions that parents make after a divorce are often influenced by their beliefs about parenting and visitations.

Most states in the U.
S.

have embraced a "best interest" approach as a guideline in determining custody and visitation.

Unfortunately this can leave the door open for kids with a caring and involved father to have the same limited visitation as an angry and distant father. Seeking counseling and mediation can help parents explore the following factors that can shape what action they take. Attitudes about paternal involvement often play a key part in whether or not a father will be involved in their child's life after a separation or divorce.

The traditional attitude in many cultures and the legal system is that women are more competent in care giving than men, which most often results in the custodial parent being the mother, and her view of the father's role as a parent as important in determining custody and visitation. Reduced parenting roles of some fathers with their children can be due to a lack of interest or a weak attachment to their kids, while others pull away from being involved due feeling upset over their ambiguous role as a parent and reduced contact. An ex-spouse remarrying can also lead to a reduced relationship from fathers whose role as a co-parent is made difficult by their inability to handle or adapt to their child being a part of a new family.
High conflict from parents can come from one or both parents who are trapped by their anger, or the need for control that results in them ignoring their kid's needs. Continued conflict between ex-partners or spouses result in them using their kids as an expression for their conflict, and can appear incapable of settling small disagreements. Parents with mental health issues such as a personality disorder, substance abuse problem, or another type of mental illness.
It helps for one or both parents to seek counseling to explore these factors to determine what type of custody and visitation arrangement is in the best interest of the child. Other visitation arrangements that parents can agree to can also include a weekly midweek overnight stay with their father, or an extended visit during an alternate weekend to Monday morning.

This type of visitation arrangement helps kids to have more contact with their fathers, and it helps to keep fathers more involved in their child's school life, and adds more quality time that can be important to their emotional wellbeing. "Divorce is one of the most stressful life events anyone goes through. Only the loss of a loved one and moving are even in its class, difficulty-wise--and divorcing generally involves both of those as well.
Even when you are the one initiating the divorce, the enormous changes that result are bound to throw you off and leave you feeling, at the very least, a bit lost.

" ~EMILY DOSKOW, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce